How to Help When a Loved One Is Diagnosed With Arthritis
These tips can guide you in ways to help — and what not to do.
By Mary Anne Dunkin | Sept. 14, 2022
Although you can’t take away your loved one’s pain — or arthritis — your support can help in the first days, weeks and years after diagnosis. Here are 11 tips on how to help — and what not to do.
Get educated. There are many forms of arthritis, and they can affect people in different ways. Learn as much as you can about your loved one’s specific form of arthritis. Ask if there are materials from the doctor you can read. Contact your local Arthritis Foundation office or check the foundation’s website for reliable information about the disease and arthritis patient resources. Other reputable sources of information include the American College of Rheumatology, National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Offer a ride to doctor visits. Getting a new diagnosis can feel overwhelming, and treatment options can be confusing. Having a second set of ears to listen — and a friend to take notes — can help your loved one absorb all of the new information from a doctor visit and remember the important points. Ask if they would like you to join them at the next appointment or at least drive them there.
Help find support. Sometimes the most supportive person is someone who has the same diagnosis. Help look for online or in-person support groups for people living with arthritis to meet and share experiences. If appropriate, offer to drive them to or accompany them to meetings.
Continue to include your loved one. Don’t assume they don’t feel up to doing the activities you once enjoyed together — they will have good days and bad days. But do be mindful there may be times they will need to cancel at the last minute — pain can flare unpredictably — so plan on flexibility. If the two of you used to enjoy rock climbing or jogging together, you might suggest a walk instead if they don’t feel up to doing those activities.
Rethink household tasks. If it’s someone with whom who share household responsibilities — a partner, parent or older child, for example — discuss household responsibilities and think of ways that allow them to get more rest and avoid pain, when needed.
Listen. A new diagnosis is upsetting. Your loved one may be anxious, sad or angry. They may just need to vent. Offer a listening ear. Reflect back on what they say to let them know you’re listening and care, but don’t offer advice unless asked.
Help them stay active. Physical activity is one of the best things to do for arthritis, but it isn’t always easy to get going when you have stiff joints and fatigue. You can help by inviting them for a walk or for a swim in a heated pool. Better yet, suggest signing up together for a yoga or tai chi class to make physical activity a regular occurrence.
Never minimize their pain. The effects of arthritis are not always visible. Even on days your loved one looks fine, they can still be experiencing significant pain. Let them move at their own pace, never suggest the pain is “not that bad” or that it's similar to someone else’s — like an uncle who could predict the weather by the pain in his joints.
Find out what they need and offer to help. Your loved one’s life and responsibilities go on, even when they feel like their body can’t. If certain tasks are too difficult sometimes, offer to help. Pick up a prescription or grocery order, take their turn in carpool, wash a load of laundry, vacuum the house, mow the lawn, take the car for an oil change or take them some dinner. (Remember to ask about any dietary restrictions.) Ask what they need most and how you can help.
Don’t be overbearing. When you see your loved one struggle to remove a jacket or wince as they sit down, it’s natural to want to help, but ask first. Remaining independent is important and that means figuring out ways to manage. If daily activities prove difficult, an occupational therapist can help with assistive devices and new ways of doing things.
Don’t give up. There will be times your loved one won’t want help, or may not feel like exercising, getting together or even talking. Respect that but continue to check in. Let them know you care and that you’re ready when they are.
Although you can’t take away your loved one’s pain — or arthritis — your support can help in the first days, weeks and years after diagnosis. Here are 11 tips on how to help — and what not to do.
Get educated. There are many forms of arthritis, and they can affect people in different ways. Learn as much as you can about your loved one’s specific form of arthritis. Ask if there are materials from the doctor you can read. Contact your local Arthritis Foundation office or check the foundation’s website for reliable information about the disease and arthritis patient resources. Other reputable sources of information include the American College of Rheumatology, National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Offer a ride to doctor visits. Getting a new diagnosis can feel overwhelming, and treatment options can be confusing. Having a second set of ears to listen — and a friend to take notes — can help your loved one absorb all of the new information from a doctor visit and remember the important points. Ask if they would like you to join them at the next appointment or at least drive them there.
Help find support. Sometimes the most supportive person is someone who has the same diagnosis. Help look for online or in-person support groups for people living with arthritis to meet and share experiences. If appropriate, offer to drive them to or accompany them to meetings.
Continue to include your loved one. Don’t assume they don’t feel up to doing the activities you once enjoyed together — they will have good days and bad days. But do be mindful there may be times they will need to cancel at the last minute — pain can flare unpredictably — so plan on flexibility. If the two of you used to enjoy rock climbing or jogging together, you might suggest a walk instead if they don’t feel up to doing those activities.
Rethink household tasks. If it’s someone with whom who share household responsibilities — a partner, parent or older child, for example — discuss household responsibilities and think of ways that allow them to get more rest and avoid pain, when needed.
Listen. A new diagnosis is upsetting. Your loved one may be anxious, sad or angry. They may just need to vent. Offer a listening ear. Reflect back on what they say to let them know you’re listening and care, but don’t offer advice unless asked.
Help them stay active. Physical activity is one of the best things to do for arthritis, but it isn’t always easy to get going when you have stiff joints and fatigue. You can help by inviting them for a walk or for a swim in a heated pool. Better yet, suggest signing up together for a yoga or tai chi class to make physical activity a regular occurrence.
Never minimize their pain. The effects of arthritis are not always visible. Even on days your loved one looks fine, they can still be experiencing significant pain. Let them move at their own pace, never suggest the pain is “not that bad” or that it's similar to someone else’s — like an uncle who could predict the weather by the pain in his joints.
Find out what they need and offer to help. Your loved one’s life and responsibilities go on, even when they feel like their body can’t. If certain tasks are too difficult sometimes, offer to help. Pick up a prescription or grocery order, take their turn in carpool, wash a load of laundry, vacuum the house, mow the lawn, take the car for an oil change or take them some dinner. (Remember to ask about any dietary restrictions.) Ask what they need most and how you can help.
Don’t be overbearing. When you see your loved one struggle to remove a jacket or wince as they sit down, it’s natural to want to help, but ask first. Remaining independent is important and that means figuring out ways to manage. If daily activities prove difficult, an occupational therapist can help with assistive devices and new ways of doing things.
Don’t give up. There will be times your loved one won’t want help, or may not feel like exercising, getting together or even talking. Respect that but continue to check in. Let them know you care and that you’re ready when they are.