Calm Your Inner Critic

 

Calm Your Inner Critic Transcript

For release 5/21/24

 

PODCAST OPEN:           

You’re listening to the Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast, created by the Arthritis Foundation to help people with arthritis — and the people who love them — live their best lives. This podcast and other life-changing resources are made possible by gifts from donors like you. If you’re dealing with chronic pain, this podcast is for you. You may have arthritis, but it doesn’t have you. Here, learn how you can take control of arthritis with tips and ideas from our hosts and guest experts.

 

MUSIC BRIDGE

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Welcome to the Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast. I'm your guest host, Jenn Ziegler. I am an arthritis patient and a staff member at the Arthritis Foundation. I oversee all things volunteer engagement.

My arthritis story began early in life when I was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis at only 9 months old. Luckily, my family found support and resources early on from the Arthritis Foundation, and I joined our local juvenile arthritis camp when I was 9 years old. This was life-changing. I returned to this camp while in college as a volunteer and joined as local staff nearly 18 years ago. My mission is to support others with similar experiences as my own to ensure they live their best life with arthritis.

When you're feeling down or you make a mistake, your inner critic may start yelling at you. You might even say things to yourself that you would never say to a friend. But that kind of negative self-talk can take a toll, especially when you live with chronic pain. It might send you into a vicious cycle of more pain, anxiety and negativity.

Today, Rob Wicall is joining me to talk about preventing negative self-talk, why it's important to focus on positivity and strategies to quiet your inner critic and shift your perspective. Rob is the author of Furlosophy: Beyond the Mascot: Insights into Life and the NBA. He is a former NBA mascot who spent years entertaining and motivating crowds, and now is a motivational speaker and entertainer who embraces the power of positivity. Welcome, Rob. Can you tell us a little about yourself?

 

Rob Wicall:

Thanks for having me, first of all, Jenn, it’s a pleasure. A little bit about myself is I was an athlete and an actor all of my life. I have ankylosing spondylitis and wasn't diagnosed with that until 40 years old. But I can remember now, as I look back, I remember playing soccer in high school, and pulling my hamstring, and having some issues with my hips, and not being able to stretch them right, not knowing that was ankylosing spondylitis. So, my journey has been fighting through chronic pain. I just thought I was injuring myself most of my life because I'd been physically active. Just being a very physically active human being is really my background, and still trying to do that today.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Were you diagnosed while you were a mascot?

 

Rob Wicall:

Interestingly, because I had iritis… So, my eye was red and swollen, and I went to my eye doctor, and he was the one who had me get a blood test, and I was diagnosed. And, of course, went to a rheumatologist, Jenn, and was immediately told stop everything. And so had to sort of navigate through how I chose to handle this chronic pain.

When you have the frame of mind that, “I’m just injuring myself,” you feel tough, right? Like, “I'm pushing through. Get back on that horse.” But when you're told you have a disease and there's chronic pain, it just was a mind shift of weakness that came on me that I had to spend some time to go through.

And I find it interesting, because you diagnosed very early in life, and have lived a life of understanding that and managing it. Me, the exact opposite, of not knowing what I had until later in life.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Oh yeah, so I just had negative self-talk since I was a baby (laughs) so… I always love to talk with other patients and hear their stories, and you know, hear kind of what motivates them to just keep going. My question now is: Your doctor said you had to stop everything when you were diagnosed. Did that mean… Did you have to quit your career?

 

Rob Wicall:

I questioned him on that, right? He was like, “You’ve got to stop,” and I, of course, would be like, “Well, that's impossible. You can't ask me to give up a career. How am I going to pay a mortgage?” Right? By the way, when I went on the internet to look at ankylosing spondylitis and the repercussions, it was devastating, right? You just see all the worst things. It just really punched me across the face.

So, I asked him, “Can you show me proof that not doing anything is going to help me more than would possibly just continuing to do what I've been doing now? Because when I read on the internet, there's a lot of people who are... Their back is totally frozen up by my age, but mine isn’t. Can you tell me why? Is it because I've been moving? Am I just lucky?” And he couldn't answer all that. So, I said, “I’m just going have to make my own informed decision as a patient and say all I want is an anti-inflammatory to take for pain as needed, and I’m going to continue my life as I have chosen to live it from here on out before my diagnosis.”

 

Jenn Ziegler:

That's amazing. I mean, you were your own advocate early on. I think that screams volumes of just that little voice in your head. How were you feeling mentally and emotionally when first diagnosed, thinking that you might not be able to be an NBA mascot?

 

Rob Wicall:

I remember just feeling weak, right? Like, if you just tough it out, right? You'll be fine. You can do it. I'm diagnosed. It was basically right at the end of a season for the NBA, so I finished that season. Now I started taking the drugs that he wanted me to take and doing what he said. It was a few months of me really doing what he said, being frustrated, feeling lethargic, feeling sad and having to process that through my brain. And try to determine: What this is going to look like? And can I live with that? And how do I make myself happy? How do I get back to who I am, which is being an active human being and being physically active every day.

And so, it took months of staring in a mirror, looking at myself figuratively and saying, “What do I want? And what do I want the quality of my life to be and how do I attain that?” And researching and researching. There were a lot of ebbs and flows through that process. And I'm sure a lot of people can empathize with that, of going through these ebbs and flows emotionally.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

How you kind of dealt with it was turn to what you love and your passion. I think that's amazing advice. Because, you know, we are Champions of Yes at the Arthritis Foundation, and we want to ensure that people know that they can still live the life that they want to live. They might need to find a different way to do it.

I didn't know I was that different with juvenile arthritis until I started school. And I realized, “Wait a minute, not all kids take 20 pills a day? Not all kids have to go to the doctor once a month and get their blood work done all the time?” It was a slap in the face. Like, “OK, I am different.” But I've always found ways to kind of manage it, and quiet it, and know that I'm more than my diagnosis. What about you, like right now? Do you still have that inner critic telling you that you can't do something?

 

Rob Wicall:

Of course, yes. I always say that inner critic doesn't go away. In 2019, I did an Ironman. It doesn't get any easier to run 15, 20 miles. It's that inner monologue of knowing, “Well, I've been successful. I can be successful again.” And that success begets success. And so I say, the negative talk doesn't go away. It's just, I can fall back on these positives and draw on that energy to keep going when the negatives come up.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I told my husband I was doing this podcast this morning, and he was excited for me. And I said, “Our guest has ankylosing spondylitis.” My husband has a few different types of autoimmune diseases as well, not that one, but at one point, especially when I first started working at the Arthritis Foundation, and we were reviewing all the different types of autoimmune diseases, we started coming up with fun names for them. That's the way we keep things light and positive. We were coming up with ice cream flavors for each of the diseases. And ankylosing spondylitis was ankylosing spon-delicious. (laughter) So, my husband was like…

 

Rob Wicall:

That's hilarious.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

“You better fit that in.”

 

PROMO:

If you have arthritis or are taking care of someone who does, we’ve got information you can trust. Get tips on healthy treatments, plus news and inspirational stories. Learn all about arthritis and the resources we offer. Go to arthritis.org.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

That's what we do. We try to keep things light. I worked at our JA camp for over a decade, and, like, I noticed that people with chronic pain tend to have a fun sense of humor. Find the fun side of it as much as you can, and squash the negativity that might come into your head. Because it could overtake people, and it does. Sometimes that happens. You can always call the Arthritis Foundation, and we have a Helpline who can find tools and resources.

So, I want to move on to talk a little bit about your book, Furlosophy. What do you mean by that title?

 

Rob Wicall:

It's my philosophy of life that I’ve learned by wearing fur for a living for 20 years. My Furlosophy is those lessons learned as an NBA mascot, interacting with millions of people annually and really getting to understand what makes people tick, right? You're with people every day. And you're interacting with all different types of very diverse groups of people. And I'm out there trying to make people laugh. How do you inspire a group of people, right? What does that look like? And, OK, let me try this. OK, that wasn't great. Let me try this. OK, that... And all those trials and errors over years sort of got me into this place of learning, really. Having a great toolkit, if you will, of how to make people happy. And learning, really, to be honest; how to empathize with people really well.

Furlosophy is really just those simple lessons. For me, if I'm in a bad place, going out to dinner with a group of people, like for my wife, is exhausting. For me, it gets me in my happy place. Because that's what I love, and it gets me happy because I'm out there enjoying life with people. And it makes me happy, right? So, making other people happy makes you happy. It's a lesson I learned as a Coyote, you know, as a mascot, but it's a lesson I still use today.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I realized we never mentioned what mascot you were.

 

Rob Wicall:

Oh, sure. Yeah. San Antonio Spurs. Coyote.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

So, Rob, what are some of those tools that you use to kind of flip the switch from having that negative self-talk to having a more positive perspective?

 

Rob Wicall:

Good question. And by the way, start thinking, because I'm going to ask you the same thing. For me, it's a lot of physically... I say like, I will literally sometimes just look in the mirror and smile, and realize that sometimes, just making myself smile, even when I don't want to, it gets my brain in a better spot. I have to remind myself that I'm enough already, if that makes sense, "Enough already," right? Like, "Enough self-talk." But also, "I am enough already." I don't have anything to prove to anybody. I don't have to be better for anybody.

I don't have to hide anything at home, you know, and be myself. At home, I get to sort of rejuvenate and not have to be that guy who has to put on a show. That’s comforting for me. I don't know if I answered the question well, but now I'm going to ask you to answer it better than I did.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I think you answered it great. I've lived with juvenile arthritis for 40 years. I've collected a few other autoimmune diseases along the way, and…

 

Rob Wicall:

Oh, congratulations.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I know. I'm lucky. (laughter) I kind of go back to when I was a kid, and my mom made having arthritis, for me, part of our normal life. Like, it was an extra activity. My sister loved sports. My mom totally supported her in all those things.

My mom supported me in my diagnosis, and my treatment, and going to the doctors. Like it was a sport, you know? Like it was me training, and you know, she even had a little saying that… I'm sure everyone has heard this saying: "No pain, no gain."

It was more just like, "You've got to deal with this to be able to get to the next spot in life." And she never made it feel like it was a burden, or that she didn't have time for it. It was just part of my life to have to go to doctor’s appointments, call for the medication. It came so naturally for me.

I was set up in a way to treat it more as an activity that's part of my life. Of course, nobody would choose to have arthritis, but it is, in a way… That's how we looked at it, it's just my extra thing, it's my hobby. 

 

PROMO:

An arthritis diagnosis can be overwhelming, learning about your disease, getting started on new medications and making lifestyle changes. But there are plenty of steps you can take to manage arthritis, regain control and get back to doing things you love. Get tips at https://www.arthritis.org/newly-diagnosed. 

 

Rob Wicall:

Jenn, interestingly, my oldest son has JA. In fact, we are going to camp this summer. We're going to be at the JA Summit as well this summer. And so, really getting involved and leaning into it. What resonated with me is the way your mom made it part of your life, which, I say with my son, we talk about the opportunities that he's getting through this, right? Like this JA Summit, and getting to advocate. And I want him to get to go to the capitol and advocate for JA. What a great opportunity you get, that your other friends aren't getting. That it teaches you this overcome, grit, strength that he and I talk about, right?

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Yeah.

 

Rob Wicall (24:54):

I get it. Because there are those days when he just sits in the car and cries, right? “It's not fair, you know? And my knee hurts.” And the other day, he runs track, but he had to stop early because his knee was bothering him. And he got in the car, and he was just like, “It's not fair. I want to be out there with those guys.” I get it, and let him have that moment. Then we talk about those positives that he's got, that nobody else is getting at his age.

I'm just now coming to that realization: The longer I go without those positive overcoming moments, then the more that negativity is going to want to bubble up. I continue to move, and overcome and succeed. So that I have that something that I don't just fall into a ball and start sucking my thumb in the fetal position, right? And by the way, I still do sometimes have those days. I don't let myself wallow in it too long, but I let myself get through it.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I think your son is so lucky to have you as an example. We posted this question on social media about negative self-talk. And we asked: "What is your worst trigger for negative self-talk? How do you get out of it?" So, I'm going to read some of them, and I would love to have you weigh in. So, our first one is: "A flare or bad pain day and having to reschedule or cancel something. I start thinking how unreliable I am and how other people will think I whine too much, or might feel I am a burden or unreliable." And this person said: "Yoga has been a lifesaver, physically and mentally. I teach and practice it." I don't even know how to weigh into…

 

Rob Wicall:

That's cool. Well, first of all, that hits home for me for sure. But also just makes me remember that there are times when... By the way, people without arthritis, they miss stuff, too. It's just for different reasons. It’s OK, we're all humans. 

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I also want to talk a tiny bit about yoga. When I was pregnant with my son, my arthritis was horrible. This is when I started developing other autoimmune diseases. But I loved being pregnant, and I would follow this mommy board of everyone who were going to have a baby the same month as me. They complained so much about being pregnant. Every little thing was horrible. And I thought, "Wow, you have no idea." But it put things in perspective, of like, everybody has a thing.

 

Rob Wicall:

I was thinking the word perspective before you said it. That's so crazy, because life is perspective.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Right. You can't compare your pain. Or you can't compare your experiences, really, to other people, just like how arthritis affects everybody differently. So, it's all about just listening, and hearing, and listening to yourself, and giving yourself that moment of being OK. And that kind of is where yoga comes in. As a young adult, I didn't think I could do yoga, because I have limited joint mobility. I participated in an eight-week study, I think, and I did yoga. And it was amazing. And I didn't realize that there were so many modifications. But yeah, yoga is life-changing. And I highly recommend people, anybody, check it out. Because not only is it physically beneficial; the mental part of it is amazing. 

Another response from social media: "I get so frustrated with myself when I drop things and call myself a klutz. I am really working at just taking a deep breath and reminding myself it is not the end of the world." I actually love this one. It's so simple, but it's also big.

 

Rob Wicall:

Nothing is the end of the world unless you make it the end of the world.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Yeah. Trying to look at a couple of these other ones. "When I recognize my negative thoughts or negative self-talk, I AIR it out." Oh, I get it, AIR: Aware. Interrupt. Replace. “Be aware of negative self-talk and interrupt those thoughts and replace them with something positive.” I love that one.

 

Rob Wicall:

Yeah, I've never heard that. But it makes me think of what I was saying earlier with… Sometimes I stare in the mirror and smile, right? I just replace that frown with a smile, physically, and this is just doing it in your brain, right? Mentally, just replace those thoughts, which, by the way, we're saying, it's not always the easiest to do. 

For me, it’s being physical. For me, when I'm negative, emotionally or I'm feeling bad physically, I don’t want to do any physical movement. It could be my body's not hurting; I'm just emotionally in a bad place. And that's when I make myself go do something. I go the opposite of what I want, and it hurts, usually. It's a more painful workout or whatever it might be. But I make myself go do it. It gets me emotionally to a better place.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

It reminds me of one time in life when the negative critic in my head was really trying to take over. We went outside, and we started chopping at a tree that needed to be pruned. Working out, same thing, of being outside, fresh air, going back to AIR: AIR it out. The fresh air, the sunshine, and then physically doing something.

 

Rob Wicall:

Yeah, like it's OK. And yeah, let it out, let it out.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Yeah.

 

Rob Wicall:

I would just encourage whoever's listening that it might not be chopping a tree. It might not be lifting weights or going on a run. But there's something.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Something.

 

Rob Wicall (40:04):

And in the last 10 years, maybe, I've started to understand when I'm getting there. Before, I would just go down into this bad place, and I would be there for a while, and it took me a while to get out of it. And I'm trying to now recognize it and get out of it quicker.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I want to read one more from social media. This person said, "I say a serenity prayer when I feel hopeless and embarrassed about my walking." I kind of resonate with it because I often feel embarrassed about my walking. It's OK to walk a little different. At least I can walk. That's what I always remind myself. So, yeah.

 

Rob Wicall:

So true. And you know that serenity prayer really is about, yeah: I can only control the things that I can control, and let everything else just roll off my shoulders.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Yeah.

 

PROMO:

The Arthritis Foundation’s Live Yes! Connect Groups are empowering support groups that bring people together for informative events and engaging activities. Peer-run and volunteer-led, they offer a place of understanding and encouragement and cover all kinds of topics. Find a group that matches your interests at https://connectgroups.arthritis.org.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Well, we're towards the end of our little talk here, but…

 

Rob Wicall:

Boo.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

I want to sum up everything that we have talked about with our top three takeaways. Rob, I'm going to let you go first. Because I feel like you have them right there at the tip of your tongue.

 

Rob Wicall:

I'm going to break it down, I think, to four. I'm going to add one. So first one: enough already, right? Enough negative talk already. And we are enough already. You don't have to do anything. You're good enough. What we have is what we have. We didn't ask for it; but we can have the correct perspective. Which is my second one: to live with it in a positive fashion, right? Life is perspective. And you can wallow in it all day; or you can be happy in your life. Live it happily.

The third thing is about overcoming. I have that in my bag of tools, keep having these tools to put in that bag, of overcoming moments, of successes. So, when I'm in that bad place, I can pull those out real quickly and easily. And then number four is: Do yoga.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Love it. Alright. My takeaways. I love your book, Furlosophy. Having a personal philosophy, having a personal mission statement, is important to really kind of propelling you forward, keep your trajectory going forward. So, that's my first takeaway, is have a philosophy. My second takeaway is… I actually really love the social media comment about AIR it out. I'm going to take that with me: Aware, Interrupt, Replace that negative self-talk, hands down.

And my third one is similar to yours, Rob: Perspective. We all have the ability to change our perspective and to recognize that while our perspective is one way, someone else's perspective of the same thing might be completely different.

 

Rob Wicall:

I love it, Jenn. That's great.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

Is there anything else you want to add, Rob?

 

Rob Wicall:

I would say encouraging everybody to not be so harsh on ourselves in life. We're all in this together. And when you think you're the only one dealing with this, you're not. It's going to be OK. It's not the end of the world.

 

Jenn Ziegler:

It's not the end of the world. Thank you so much, Rob, for joining us on the Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast. I love this conversation. Just thank you so much for sharing your experience, your wisdom and your Furlosophy.

 

Rob Wicall:

Thank you, Jenn. Thank you for having me.

 

 

PODCAST CLOSE:

 

This podcast episode was brought to you in part by Bristol Myers Squibb.

 

The Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast is independently produced by the Arthritis Foundation. Gifts from people like you make our podcast and other life-changing resources possible. You can donate at arthritis.org/donate. This podcast aims to help people living with arthritis and chronic pain live their best life. People like you. For a transcript and show notes, go to arthritis.org/podcast. Subscribe and rate us wherever you get your podcasts. And stay in touch!